If you’re struggling in your current relationships, chances are that there is something being repeated from you past. 

Going to therapy to explore these issues might bring up similar relational issues. You might find yourself wanting to evade, ignore, and avoid the feelings that arise in a therapeutic relationship. That’s normal. A good therapist will see the self-protective strategies you’re using and help you identify the feelings and impulses that lie beyond them.

In your past, you learned that certain emotions and impulses were not tolerated and so intelligently found ways to keep those sensations at bay. Now you’re an adult. You don’t need those same self-protective strategies anymore, but your survival instincts override this logic. 

In therapy, you’ll be asked to examine how these defenses counteract your desire to engage in meaningful relationships. Through this deep exploration, you might discover that the ways you stayed safe in childhood relationships are now causing disconnection in your current ones. 

With the help of the therapist, you’ll start to gently let those defenses go so that you can get behind them and meet the feeling that lives there. This will help you connect more with your internal experiences and find healthier ways to communicate them to your partner, friends, family, etc, should you wish.