The Backwards Logic of OCD
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) contains a very strange kind of logic, doesn’t it? The logic goes, “if I can do something about the uncertainty I feel, then I can prevent whatever feared outcome I have from happening” and then this bad feeling will go away. But of course, that doesn’t really work. If it did, we’d all happily have OCD.
The thing about OCD that trips up every single person is the classic “what if?” question that emerges with every trigger.
What if I’m contaminated by that person’s bacteria?
What if I’m in the wrong relationship and I’m making a huge mistake?
What if I had a weird sexual thought and I liked it?
What if I’m gay or straight and I’m in denial about it?
What if someone trips over that rock I didn’t move and then I get in trouble?
What if I offended God by having that intrusive thought?
You can see how that becomes the most irresistible question that demands an answer! Folks without OCD might have a weird sexual thought and think nothing of it. Their response might be “huh! weird” and then they move on. Those of us with OCD might have a weird sexual thought and think it means something. When in fact, it means nothing, but even if you know that, somewhere in the back of your mind you doubt if you really do know that.
The way to work with OCD is to not give it what it wants, which is certainty. And this is no one’s favorite answer because the agony of uncertainty can feel really big, especially when it’s paired with an experience that seems to challenge our very definition of who we are. It’s so hard to comfortably sit with uncertainty about a question as big as “what if I’m in the wrong relationship?” and it’s vital that we give compassion to ourselves while we do this work.
You didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know, I think I’d like to have crippling doubt about every facet of my life”, nor did you choose to have OCD. Let’s be mindful of how hard this is while we are being brave and doing the opposite of what OCD wants.
Being in the throes of a “what if” rabbit hole feels like a nightmare you didn’t ask for. You can see the absurdity of it (sometimes) and yet you feel compelled to engage. What are you to do?
The tenets of ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy) are all about gently exposing ourselves to our trigger and responding differently to it (i.e. not using compulsions). It’s best to do this work with a trained therapist because having someone who can be with you during your exposures is immensely helpful. But the three things we do with OCD triggers are:
Name the trigger. Can you see how it fits within the theme your OCD takes? Can you see the OCD cycle at play here?
Feel the anxiety and do not engage a compulsion. Delay the compulsion, do an exposure, take a deep breath and stay with the feeling until it starts to come down on its own.
Respond with “that may or may not be true” (or some version of that).
Remember this: OCD gets stronger when we use compulsions. Why? Because we’re habituating our brain to be soothed by compulsions, and then the brain starts demanding more and more. OCD gets weaker when we can sit with the discomfort until it goes down on its own, feel our feelings, and disengage from compulsions.
You are stronger than your OCD says you are. Take it one day at a time, one exposure at a time, and pat yourself on the back when you successfully delay and disengage from a compulsion! This takes guts and you’re one step closer to beating it at its own game.
This post should not replace medical/professional advice and is for educational purposes only.